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Kill ’em with Kindness

May 12, 2010

…or just knock him out cold with your sexy shoes. What do I mean? Ooooh, dear reader, just keep reading…

Got one of those pesky ex-boyfriends? I do. More than my fair share, in fact. One of those dreaded reunion-type events (i.e. wedding, shower, funeral*, etc.) is fast approaching where I know I’ll be forced to smile and look happy while I’m mentally screaming at the cheating bastard. While I don’t want to “get” him back, I do want to make him drool and realize that as a result of our breakup , HE got the short end of the stick, not me. Super mature of me, right? (I have a blog about SHOES, fortheloveofallthatisgood, maturity is really not my THING.)

I’ve got the dress already picked out. It’s cut up to here, slit down to there and cleavage will be abundant. That’s the easy part. But what about the most important part…SHOES?!?

If you want shoes that scream SEX, you can’t go wrong with black+stiletto+leather+red soles…

Mr. Christian knows sex, and I’m his disciple. I really am. But I don’t ever always have the dough to plunk down for Louboutins. In that case, take your inspiration for sexy shoes from C.L. and go for sky-high, black, and red.

Wild Diva Lamis Black Satin Dance til Dawn d’Orsay Pumps for $28! According to my research (i.e. Two and a Half Men) you can’t even hire a prostitute with that little moolah. Buy shoes instead! But make sure to get/give yourself a pedicure, because Mr. No-So-Wonderful probably won’t be eating out of the palm of your hand if your soles look like they frequent the seedy street corners of Fungus City.

Sexy stiletto heel+a low-cut silhouette=HOT HOT HOT Fawson from Aldo (on sale for 69.98) See how the curves of the shoe resemble the curves of a woman’s hip? No? Maybe I should put down the vodka….

I’m just a hunka hunka burnin’ love…for these shoes! Red is the natural choice when it comes to sex appeal; it’s the color of passion. Just make sure to keep a towel handy for your ex: he’ll need it to mop the sweat off his brow when he’s staring at you in these killer pumps from RSVP for $82.72.

These are all reasonable options. But don’t forget the best way to make your ex squirm:

Show up with this guy on your arm. You know him…

Yeah, him. 😉

*The event I am attending is not a funeral. I'm not that callous...Yet. 
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