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Disaster Shoes: What Footwear to Rock During an Apocalypse

May 7, 2010

Some girls love romantic comedies. Others prefer dramatic movies. I like a very specific movie genre:

“The Disaster Movie”

Disaster movie? You might ask, what is that?  Oooooh, I will tell you.

It’s all of this:


Some of this:


And a whole bunch of this:


Picture this: The movie 2012 premeires and I’m first in line at the cinema. By the time it comes out on video, I’ve seen it in theaters a mind-numbing eight times. But I love every minute of it, every single time I see it. Please don’t misunderstand me, though. I do not enjoy the depiction of the loss of human life. Death in any and all forms, fake or real, makes me immeasurably sad–even the death of CGI characters.

Of course, that leads into what I love most about these epic, out-of-control and totally unreal movies: the special effects. But that’s not important!!  What’s important is answering the question on everyone’s mind:

“What shoes do I wear for the end of the world?!”

(right? That MUST be the biggest issue one could experience waiting for the asteroid/spaceship/volcano/tornado/etc to arrive all at once. Well, that’s where I come in!

Firstly, you’ll probably want to run walk easily, so let’s eliminate heels immediately.


Cute and flowery but at the same time this shoe says “I’m sporty enough that I could run from flesh-eating ants and hopefully escape.” Payless sure knows how to make cute footwear for cheap ($12.99), so you don’t have to worry about volcanic ash ruining these striped shoes.

Maybe you’d like to have something a little more, er…”sneaky” to wear. In case the zombies are chasing you down, quiet shoes like Pumas will help you get past the living dead with one of the most important survival tools: S-T-Y-L-E.

Maybe you’re in the mood for something with more pink? And just in case the widespread hurricanes cause a new ice age, you can keep your tootsies warm in these:

Yes. Those are Crocs. My most hated shoe/styrofoam brand. But, you know what? If there is a giant hunk of spacejunk hurtling towards Earth, you might as well experience as much as you can before you and your ugly shoes are burnt to a crisp.  But under no other circumstances should one wear these. Ever.

I know I said that we should eliminate heels, but one should always have good ankle support when running from a giant explosion caused my aliens in a traffic-choked tunnel. These do not. But who cares? You’re running away from a giant fireball!! Stop wasting time and be you own hot siren on the runway of fire.

Or, do what I’ll do: accept that the world is ending and you’re going to die, run up the balance on your credit card by $1,995 and go out in style with these:

I’m pretty set on that last idea. What shoes would you rock if the world was ending?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 7, 2010 9:20 pm

    I love the idea of maxing out your credit card and wearing the most fabulous shoes in the world. If there is no tomorrow, when the hell else are you going to get to wear them?

    I also delight in the idea of the crocs going down in a blaze…. ahhh so nice….


  1. Why Ugg is Better than Crocs « Kiss Me in Heels « design, style, business

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