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The Gettysbur-thday Address

April 14, 2010

I thought I’d update one of the most well-known speeches of all time for myself on my birthday. Because, let’s face it: Today, for another 13 hours, I am the center of my own universe. Yay!

The Gettysbur-thday Address: By Cher

One score and seven years ago my mother brought forth on this continent, a new being, conceived in Detroit, and dedicated to the proposition that all shoes are created equal. Except Crocs.

Now we are engaged in a great shoes challenge, testing whether that woman, or any woman so conceived and so steady of foot, can long endure stilettos. We are met on a great runway of that challenge. We have come to dedicate a portion of our podiatric health, as a fitting tribute to those who strutted their stuff in high heels that the future of towering shoes might live. It is altogether fitting and awesome that we can walk in these shoes.

But, in a larger sense, we can not tip-toe — we can not stumble — we can not “mosey on down”  — this runway. The brave shoes who strutted here, have owned the runway, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember the fierceness we see here, but it can never forget the style here. It is for us the shoe-obsessed, rather, to be dedicated her to the unfinished work with they who gave their soles here have thus far so fiercely walked. It is rather for us to be fierce in their honor, dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these runways we take increased devotion to the shoes that at last full measure would perfectly fit my feet. We highly resolve that these shoes shall not have been created for cobbled walkways and icy stairwells, that these shoes, under my feet shall have a new birth of journeys and the shoes desires of the people, by the people, for the people, shall be fulfilled. Except for Crocs.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Deb permalink
    April 14, 2010 7:42 pm

    very clever writing…

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